Just waiting

She thought, this is supposed to be a good thing, right?

Single

Figuring out what she wants, right?

Having her time, right?

She don’t need no man girlllll, right?

Still waiting for it to feel ok, right?

Cautious and Curious

What’s on your mind right now? Go!

It’s not the answer she expected to hear.

It was an answer that stung, but enticed. Made her heart say, be cautious my luv.

What are your passions, your plans, your…? She asked.

Again, Honesty…Transparency…Coldness…

Caution.

She thought, the pain feels comforting though.

Curiosity

She ask…and ask…and ask, again.

He is resolute.

But he is open, he shared; there is hope.

The drug is curiosity and she cannot find satisfaction.

She misses the pain with every love song.

Caution

She will walk away and all will be well. She understands there is an expiration as his heart is closed and hers is open.

Curiosity

She knows she could never repair the damage of his past. Or could she?

She is a girl, a woman, and he does not waver. He is not.

Je suis une fille, une femme, et es un garçon, un homme.

Caution

She is only his…. Her, The one girl, The “Nickname”, the temporary, the if schedules align.

Curiosity

She knows her position in his existence and yet her head is filled with thoughts of their non-existence. The drug.

Caution.

She tells herself she’s ok. She follows his orders. She distracts with others as requested. She plays her role with absolute obedience.

She knows he is protecting her from him.

New Levels of Alone

She has felt loneliness before, but it was never a bother

Now

To ruminate over the fact that it had always been one sided is a new level of alone.

She thought, I was never his first thought. Always an after. Always a forced thought because she appeared.

He never needed her. Only physically wanted her when his desire couldn’t be satisfied.

Now that he’s distracted, she is invisible.

Fear

He made her afraid to love

He made her question every intent

The way he shows love is confusing

She just gets angry

Why can’t he just trust her to open up

She’s never hurt or betrayed him

Why is he afraid

She changed her life to build their life

He won’t change

And she still stands as his biggest fan

Today

Love is stupid when you’re alone

It’s everywhere…

The song, the post, all up in her notifications.

She wants boxes checked that she doesn’t even know exist.

She wants him to prioritize her.

She wants laughter,

She wants him to feel concerned.

She doesn’t want him to forget.

She wants to learn from him.

She wants to be apart of his unconscious.

She wants to compliment him, not complete him.