Blog

She

She woke up fearless, concentrated, and motivation to say:

Hello

Goodbye 

You are more 

Less is ok

Better than he could imagine 

More in love

Ok with what happens 

Trusting the journey 

Better than the day before 

Positively angered

Goal focused 

Ready to be better with or without 

All while still in love…

Never

He will never understand how much he hurts. How much I am sometimes embarrassed by how much I love him. How I don’t always say what I want to say, because the love is too much.

He just doesn’t slow down to listen to how it hurts. 

He remains distracted as a coping mechanism, but his distractions are my pain. I feel he finds distraction to forget about me.

It infuriates me, so I distract. I change the subject, I turn the tides, I rush air back into the room. 

But then, I’m reminded ever so softly, I’m #2. 

Goodnight 

You may already be asleep, if so, goodnight my love. 

There are not enough words on this planet that could describe how important you’ve become in my world. It’s scary some days to think about how I’ve changed.  Sometimes change is just that; change. 

You’ve changed me…

For the better, it’s cliché

For the worse. Yes, some days. 

In lieu of non-conformity. Not this time. 

I’m fearless when I should be more afraid than one can be imagine. 

The artist, the writer, a woman again. The change of being desired. The change of being wanted. 

The change for a new space. The change to be in your space. 

Those words confirm my fear of the unknown has changed. 

This love is change. The desire to change back to who I was. The “who” I loved. 

You make me feel brave

You make me feel powerful 

You’ve become my lesson on living 

You’ve become my quite space and my room full of noise. 

Life with you sounds different, smells different, and taste different. 

The distance between us is bitter, while your presence is sweet like fruit fresh from our tree. I yearn for this fruit. 

I guess there are infinite words to describe how you’ve changed me. Words that can describe your existence in my existence. Words that can ease the bitterness of distance and numb the anticipation for your fruit. 

Those words all begin with…

I Love You

In Anger

via Daily Prompt: Final

He angers every cell in her existance and the rage feels like home.  The final destination for her love to lie.  She moves through her day as though he does not exist trying to make him not exist.  Every sound, every smell, every quite thought brings her back to him.  She feels the lump in her throat and she finds a distraction to push it away.  There it is again, what is he doing?  Is he thinking of her as she yerns for his sound, his smell, is quite?

She loves him and the anger comforts her.  It brings her back to him and back to him and back to him again.  She prays to walk away and the anger reminds her of the love.  He would not, because he loves her.  She is as much apart of his existance as he is a part of hers.  He loves her, right?

She loves his challnege and the house of discernment he moves her in to.  Love forces her to unpack and settle in her new and final existance.  She chose this and the feeling it gives her are like breaths.  Her inhale against his exhale and the love and anger co-exist in this almost natural state.

I love you beyond a complete existence. 

I loved you before I knew I existed.

When I formed, you were there. 

Your love invaded my development. 

It mentored me as I grew. 

Held me when I stunted. Pushed me forward as I blossomed. 

Love gave me my first and promised to be my last. 

Quote

I am wholly yours – you are everything to me; we will sustain each other in all the ills of life it may please fate to inflict upon us; you will soothe my troubles; I will comfort you in yours. 

– Dennis Diderot 1759